Category: Be Coached

coaching FAQ's

6/19/2018

If I don't know anything about a subject or event, I usually ignore it, even if the subject matter kind of piques my interest. I can't tell you how many times I've missed out on a good thing because I didn't take the next step in getting answers to my questions.

We have found that coaching is just one of those subjects that people don't know much about. Even though we have been talking about it within our District for quite a while now, it hasn't drawn much interest, especially from individuals who might benefit greatly from a coach. Why is that? Maybe we haven't given out enough information or information is hard to find. Maybe you haven't the time and energy it would take to find out more about coaching. Whatever the reasons, asking questions and getting answers are well worth both our time and effort. Here are our most asked questions about coaching:

What is coaching?

Coaching is the "art and practice of enabling individuals and groups to move from where they are to where God wants them to be...a coach leaves each person being coached with increased self-confidence, clearer direction, and greater fulfillment than he or she would have had otherwise. Coaching helps people expand their vision, build their confidence, unlock their potential, increase their skills, and take practical steps towards their goals.

"Unlike counseling or therapy, coaching is less threatening, less concerned about problem solving, and more inclined to help people reach their potentials." (Dr. Gary Collins, Christian Coaching: Helping Others Turn Potential into Reality)

As Christian life coaches, we include the Holy Spirit in the coaching process to give insight and discernment. In partnering with the Holy Spirit, we join with His transformational work in our client's lives.

How much does it cost?

Fees for coaching are negotiable between the coach and the client. SMD Coaching Network recommends $25 per hour if the coach has less than 100 coach training hours; $50 per hour if the coach has 100 or more coach training hours. Coaching fees can be paid by a bartering exchange, can be given pro bono, and can be as low as the price of a cup of coffee.

How much time does it take?

A coach can create a package of sessions, set up an ongoing schedule of sessions, or contract on an as-needed basis. Usually a session is one hour. The coach and client make an agreement on number of sessions, how and when to meet, cost, and expectations before starting the actual coaching.

What happens in coaching?

The coach builds a relationship with the client, listening and asking powerful questions that require more than a yes or no answer; provides confidentiality, and a plan of accountability and support to the client.

The client sets the agenda, decides the purpose, the direction, and the outcome. From the questions, the client gains new perspectives and possibilities that lead to action steps. The client ends the coaching relationship feeling hopeful, accomplished and resolved.

Still have questions? Talk to us at SMD Coaching Network. We will listen and help you find a coach.

There's so much more to coaching than just time and money. Whatever the life issue, coaching clients hold a deep desire for more fulfilling, God-honoring growth in their lives. Coaching is an intentional investment that will help you to think differently and live and minister with greater purpose.

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Lisa Harris is Network Coordinator for the SMD Coaching Network and has been coaching for 3 years.

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The “One Thing” Marriage Coaching Model

5/8/2017

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By Joel A. Oliver, ACC, CCLC

My good friend and coaching colleague Kevin says “Coaching changes everything” and I agree with him.

My wife Sherry and I have been married for 47 years. We both come out of the Medical Profession, experienced a glorious call into ministry and have been in full time ministry since we planted a Church in St. Louis, MO in 1986.

One of the things God has called us to do is to help marriages become better marriages. Over the years, we have helped prepare numerous couples for marriage, worked with married couples and we have presented many Marriage Seminars and workshops. We have had an impact on marriages with people we Pastor and those outside of our Church whom we were invited to speak to. We had some key insights that we loved to teach and we eagerly poured what God had given us into others. But God had more.

Coaching Changes Everything

In 2010, I was happily pastoring our Church and blessed to be doing so. I had just come off a two year term of being the Presbyter for the Assembly of God Churches in our City. Our District leadership offered me the opportunity to attend a two day Coach Training Session put on by Coach Approach Ministries for their 501 Course. I prayed about it and decided to attend. By the end of the first days training, I remember telling myself, “whatever this guy is talking about and doing, that’s what I want to talk about to others and do for others”. I was hooked and started my Coaching journey, full throttle.

I remember asking myself, “how can what I am learning impact what I am currently doing, so I can do it better?” I became determined to figure out how to start “drawing out” rather than “pouring into” people. God quickly spoke to me about my passion and purpose for helping marriages become great marriages. I was convinced that moving to a Coach Approach to help Marriages become great marriages would be more effective and fruitful.

So, hang in here with me for a few minutes while I share with you how God directed me to develop the “One Thing” Marriage Coaching Model, how it works and how it will benefit the people you serve.

The Heart of the Intake Session:

The Intake Session is to make sure the couple is suitable for Marriage Coaching and that you are the right Coach for them. It establishes the Macro Coaching Purpose and the logistics of the Marriage Coaching. Beyond asking questions to establish the above, a typical Intake Session will include these questions or a variation of them:

To the husband and then the wife: “What would an ideal marriage look like to you?”
To the husband and then the wife: “How would you evaluate your strengths and weakness in this marriage?”
To the husband and then the wife: “What would you need to bring to your marriage to be an ideal spouse?”
To the husband and then the wife: “How committed are you to make the changes in yourself that might be necessary to be that ideal spouse?”
To the husband and then the wife: " How willing are you to work together to solve problems, find new ways to support your spouse and celebrate success when they make efforts to improve?"

Marriage Coaching Model

C.H.A.I.N MODEL ™ FOR MARRIAGE COACHING

CONNECT
O = Openness — “The One Thing I Would like for you to know is…..”
N = No Interruptions — Self Discipline to let the other speak

HEAR
E = Empathetic Listening — Seek to understand before being understood

ARTICULATE
T = Thoughtful Open ended Questions that lead to self discovery of the clients deepest need and new possibilities on how to personally improve forward
H = Honor Each others Deep Feelings and Values

IMPLEMENT
I = Implement WIN-WIN Decisions

NOTICE
N = Notice and Celebrate Improvement
G = Give each other permission to initiate the next “One Thing” discussion

In the Connect Step, the wife and then their spouse is given up to 5 minutes each to share with their spouse the one thing for that session that they want their spouse to know (this establishes their focus for the session). The listening spouse is asked not to speak but to listen only. When the wife is finished, the husband is asked to share the one thing he would like to bring to the session (this establishes his focus). The wife is asked to listen without talking. Both are asked to write down questions that they will ask. Some instruction on how to listen is given by the Coach to the couple.

In the Hear Step, first the husband and then the wife are given 10 minutes to ask any question that they might want to ask of their spouse. The Coach will give some instruction on how to ask good powerful open ended questions. The Coach may also ask questions that facilitate the discussion and keep it moving forward. The Coach may also make appropriate direct statements when needed and with per- mission. The Coach also must be ready to get the couple back on track if they stop moving forward and start going back to the past.

In the Articulate Step, the goal is for both the husband and the wife to name their greatest need to improve as a husband or wife in ways that will honor both their values and their spouses values. The Coach must be ready to use appropriate strategies that will facilitate this process

In the Implement Step, this is where the Coach can really make an impact. The Coach helps facilitate a dialog between the husband and wife that centers on developing personal S.M.A.R.T. action steps and S.M.A.R.T. action steps that they can work on together for a WIN-WIN.

In the Notice Step, the Coach has the couple restate and re frame what progress has been made and to make commitments with time lines for their action steps . The Coach helps the couple to celebrate wins.

The goal of Marriage Coaching goes beyond the Coaching Relationship of the Coach and the couple. The goal is that the couple will relearn how to communicate. The real success marker of Marriage Coaching is when the couple learns the Coaching techniques that will allow them to have a “ONE THING” conversation with each other as often as needed now and in the future.

Observations:

Women are more trusting and more honest in the beginning. Men improve with time

In the beginning, both the husband and the wife will want to point out what is wrong with their spouse, don’t let them. Keep them talking about themselves.

Men will make excuses to end the Marriage Coaching if there is not enough of a trust relationship

Charging the couple for Marriage Coaching creates investment in the process

Marriage Coaching works best with a formal, professional Coaching Agreement

It is best to have an intake and agreement for a minimum of three Coaching sessions established before you begin (the Coaching Agreement should be evaluated and extended as needed at the end of the first three sessions

When a couple goes through Marriage Coaching they relearn how to communicate and problem solve together

Clients learn how to Coach their self and Coach each other

Clients will often want to become informal Marriage Coaches

Masterful Coaching changes everything, including Marriages. “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6)

Note: I developed this model and want to give special thanks to influences from Coach Approach Ministry (Bill Copper and Chad Hall-501 and 503 ™) , CoachNet Global C.H.A.I.N. Model ™ (Used by permission of Jonathan Reitz) Jeff and Jill William’s book “Marriage Coaching” and Stephen R. Covey’s book “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”

Blog post written originally for Christian Coaching Magazine, Fall 2016, used with permission.

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coaching FAQ's

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The “One Thing” Marriage Coaching Model

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